My pet peeves!

It occured to me that the reason I have been such an asshole as of late is because I have been extremely annoyed by people. From the lady who takes five hours to park to the guy who years stupid ass shirts withstupid slogans, I hate them all. Here are a few other annoyances. Please bare with me. The people on campus who see me in uniform and proceed to rant to me about the liberals and how they are screwing up the country. Guess what? Shut your mouth. I am a liberal and I wear the uniform. Don't assume I am one of you just because I wear an Army uniform. It's annoying.

On that note, when I am having lunch in uniform, don't come up to thank me or offer to buy me lunch. I don't know you and I am not starving. So don't offer to buy me shit. I can pay my own meals and don't need a hand out from you. Besides, if you knew I am a godless liberal fucker, would you be as nice to me?

The Christians who keep on telling me about Jesus and telling me it's good news. Shit. I did not just crawl from under a rock. I've heard that shit. I choose not to believe it. And yot know what else? Don't shake your head and tell me you will pray for me because I've been told and know of Jesus but do not believe? Truth is you may have Jesus, but I have a deadly kick that I might have to introduce to your face.

The girl at the bar who thinks I am supposed to talk to her just because she is hot. No, I am not. I am at the bar to have fun. If you want to talk, you come to me.The guy at the bar who stares at the girls and give them dirty looks but don't have time to talk to them. Grow a pair of balls or poke your eyes out. Sitting there all night looking creepy isn't going to get you laid. Fucking losers.

The creepy fucker who kisses a woman on the hand whe they first meet. You aren't a fucking knight and the is not a queen. You know, it is gay. The only one who looks like a queen in that situation is you. Unless she knows and is comfortable with you, don't even put your mouth near her. I will smack the shit out of you.

The little idiot in a big truck playing country music so loud it makes my head hurt. I get you're a country boy, don't need to advertise it. I can tell my your dumbass mustach and thick accent.

The Navy guys who run around the bars in their Navy outfits, thinking they are the shit. YOU ARE NOT. You are uneducated and common. Get over it. The only time you ever see combat is on your video games, so shut up about how tough life is.

The little fuckers who think the waitresses are in love with them because she is nice. Guess what? BEING NICE TO YOU IS HER JOB! STOP ROAMING YOUR HANDS OR OVER HER OR GIVE HER YOUR PHONE NUMBER. SHE IS NOT INTERESTED.

The girl who, upon finding out I am at feminist, asks me if I am gay. I am not and I can show you! And stop telling me no shit statements like, 'It's their bodies and their choice.' You got anything else, like, oh, I don't know, 'George Bush is an idiot?'In the mall, people who walk like they've got all fucking day. They may have, but I don't. Get the hell out of my way. Especially in military malls. If you and your five kids can't walk fast enough, get the fuck out of my way. And since you get paid on the first and fifteenth, try buying something else other than sweats for a chance.

People who think that just because my parents are Vietnamese, that I am supposed to know how to cook said food. On, I don't know how to make pho, spring rolls, egg rolls, egg plants or anything else. My idea of cooking ethnic is Ramen, so stop asking.

The fuckers who don't get off their cell phones at the check out lines. Have a courtesy to hang up and deal with the cashiers. And make sure you've got your money ready. I don't have all day to stand at Target waiting for you

.The idiots who brag about how much they can drink. It doesn't make you cool. It makes you an alcoholic. Freshman year? Totally acceptable. Anytime after that, you are a loser.

Lastly, any guy who calls a woman anyone of the following after just meeting them: girl, honey, babe, darling, sweetheart or any terms of endearment. Shit. It is insulting. When I heard a guy call a food server at Orlando International Airport that a few months ago, I threatened to shove my fist down his throat. Next time, I won't be a threat.

And you know what else? The idiots near the student parking lot who take their sweet ass time to walk, while I am late for class. And the little fuckers who take forever to order food. It's not like ordering at Taco Bell is that complicated. It's not a gourmet meal.And people who don't say thank you when I hold the door for them. Next time, I will slam it in their face.

The couple who walks through a crowded place still holding hands and getting into everyone's way. It's not like anyone is going to mistake them for anything else but a couple because they both look perfectly stupid enough for each other.

Also, the idiot on the subway who doesn't know how to stay away from the door and has to be told five times to step away from it. Also, extremely fat but otherwise healthy people who refuse to give up seats to old people on the train. Selfish shits.

While I am at it, there are a couple more pet peeves I'd like to get out of my system just so I don't end up hurting anyone:People who can't take care of themselves when they get shitfaced. I am not your father, and I won't hold you when you're drunk and throwing up. This especially goes for guys who throw up all over themselves and expect their girlfriends to take care of them, in vomit and all. She's your girlfriend, not your mom! Love is conditional. Do that too many times and she'll leave your ass.

People who are making a turn in traffic, but slam on their brakes before turning on the blinkers. Next time, I'll plow into turn. Fucking learn to drive before you get on the road. The excuse that you're from somewhere else doesn't fly with me. I don't care where you're from, bad driving is bad driving.

Emotionally needy motherfuckers who still talk about their past loves and are pining away like losers. It didn't work for a reason. There are other fish in the sea. Get over it and move on! I am tired of hearing about it. You don't need love to be happy. Do I miss a certain girl from the past?

Hell, yes! But I don't need her. So you suck it up and move on, too!Military academy guys. Especially Naval ones. You're a freaking cadet, so get over yourselves. You all try to pass yourselves off as being successful and intellectual and tough, none of which is true. You're a trainee, a college kid with a scholarship. Truth be told, you aren't anything but patriarchal assholes. Stop talking about leadership, because the last time you saw leadership was when you were in the front-leaning rest position beating your face.

Guys who constantly talk about sex, and what they'd like to do to a girl. Here"s reality: we know you ain't gettin' any, so stop talking about it. It's crude, it's sick, and I don't want to hear about how you'd like to have a girl do number 2 on you.

And lastly, people who send me these dumb surveys. I don't care what your favorite color is or what the name of your first grade teacher was or what your initials spell out, stop telling me. What does the name of the street the house you lived in was on when you were six have anything to do with anything? If you have something to e-mail me, make sure I give a shit about it.